The Search for Significance

I went to my parents today as of course it is Father's Day. The weather was perfect and I enjoyed sitting outside with my family and having a barbeque. We don't get together as often as I would like and being there today along with my brother made be miss it even more.
I walked around the yard as it always seems to bring back certain memories of my childhood. I didn't appreciate the serenity of country living especially when I was a teenager but the sun, breeze and butterflies seemed to culminate such a beautiful experience. I also had a memory of my feelings of insignificance as a teenager. Sitting outside craving to be important to someone. Feeling so unworthy and unimportant. I know many teenagers feel that way from time to time but the resergence of those emotions intenified my recent feelings of insecurity and uncertainty.
I have been struggling lately with my work life, home life and my personal life. Because the first two demand so much of my time and energy, the third is very neglected. I resent my work for taking me away from family and robbing me of time with my Christian friends. I never get together with anyone and basically have no social life other than going to church on Sunday. So in a sense, I still struggle with that sense of significance. I feel undervalued in my work, unappreciated by my family and hate myself for all of the mistakes I am making with my husband and children. My emotions are also compounded by the weaning of Effexor over the last few months.
But God reminded me today of some very important things. He is my sufficiency. He is my significance. Without Him, I am nothing.
He provided my job for me at a time when I needed to work full time. I miss seeing my patients and caring for them. That position gave me affirmation of what I was doing. I need to depend on Him for that affirmation, not people.
This is a season in my life where my things will be busy. Family needs to be the next priority after God. I do need good Christian friends but at this time, He is sufficient.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33. I need to talk with Him more. Study His Word and seek first His Kingdom. I need to place Him first in my life and at the center of my life. Not work, not family not me!! He is first. The rest of life is not working because I am selfishly putting my needs first. I have been whining "poor me" when I should be rejoicing that He has blessed and provided me with so much.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2Corinthians 12:9
Those feelings of unworthiness and insignificance as a teenager were the symptoms of my empty heart before Christ. My heart was crying out for a Savior and there would be many years of tripping over God before I finally found Him and was saved by His grace and mercy.
"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." 1Corinthians 13:11 I now know Jesus as Savior but I need to work on Him being Lord of my life. My feelings of insignificance are not from being that insecure child. I am secure in Him and my salvation. He is my significance.

Left or Right

An "interesting" conversation on a facebook page:

C.M.: I've decided anti abortion people should not kill even an insect because even insects are more evolved than embryos within the first couple months. Stop murder of insects.

Me: When one even dares to equate insects with the development human life, the only emotion I have is pity for the one who dares.

CM: Life is life. How arrogant to assume otherwise.

MD: When one even dares to inflict their morality on another I have nothing but outrage for their arrogance.

NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL ANY WOMAN WHAT SHE MUST DO WITH HER BODY.

That includes the religious right and politicians.

Me: If you are seeking to evoke emotion, I will not satisfy that desire. God bless you.

MD: LOL. WTF does that mean? Evoke emotion? You post your comment about equating insects with human life and then slink away into your anonymity. Nice. Typical christian bull$hit.

CS: I leak emotion all over the place but I will not be swayed by religious types telling me how to conduct myself to accommodate their religion. I don't subscribe to that and instead will use my own moral compass. that is actually still legal in Canada. This may surprise some, but there is a separation of church and state in this i country.

ME: Im not quite sure where "religion" entered into the conversation other than my previous salutation which would only be an assumption that I come from a faith background. Not once was a church or theology mentioned.
My basis for the identification and respect for human life originates in science. Pro life stand does not always equate with theological doctrine.


It is interesting how those who reside in the far left of the political spectrum make many more assumptions and judgments that what they seem to think the "Christian right" are doing.

The Shack

I finished reading The Shack last week. It took me a whole 24 hours to complete the book that I have been encouraged to read for quite some time. There has been a fair bit of contraversy about this book and it's theological correctness. I am no theologian but this book affirmed many aspects of my God that I have always understood but rarely verbalized.
In this book, the Trinity of Father, Son and Holy Spirit is presented in a very unconventional way. I have had no problem thinking of God the Father as a loving Father. I have always had a good relationship with my own earthly father, so I think that is why I can picture God in this way. If my earthly father had been abusive, absent or distant, it may have not been quite as easy. The main character in this book did have an alcoholic, abusive earthly father. When God chose to reveal Himself, He did so as a woman. Not only a woman but a black woman. One magazine actually termed her as an Aunt Jemimah of sorts.
Jesus (God the Son) revealed Himself as a Middle Eastern Man with black hair and a large nose. One part of the book where I had to giggle was when Mack (the main character) said something like, "Jesus I thought you would be more...." Then Jesus said, "Handsome?". Mack replies rather sheepishly, "Yes". We get this image of a blond German Jesus and it just couldn't be further from the truth. We get so duped in our traditional Christian symbols. I think we all will be surprised when we see our Lord on that day. No matter what, He will be beautiful!
God the Holy Spirit is portrayed as an Asian woman. I resonate with this depiction because of our own discomfort as Christians, with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is our teacher and comforter but we often think s/he is mysterious, just like this Asian woman.
The way I see it is, God will reveal Himself to us in a way we can comprehend. He is God and He can do that. He knows each one of us in such an intimate way. He knew when we would come to know Him as Savior and Lord and He knew exactly what it would take to get us to that point of surrender. He knows our coming and our going. He is just the kind of God that would taylor Himself and anything around us to bring us to Himself and in step with Him again.
What a Savior!

Life is Short

We are saddened and shocked by the deaths of those in our age group, like it can't happen to us. One thing I learned in my profession at an early age, is "Life is Short". I think when I turned 40 it wasn't turning 40 that bothered me, it was realizing my own mortality. I have seen children, young mothers, fathers and grandparents all lose the battle of illness. It never seems fair, but it is reality.
My son's friend will turn 11 years-old this week without his mom. She died in May from malignant melanoma at age 36. She left a husband and two children.
Life shouldn't be treated lightly. Our friends, family and co workers may not be here tomorrow. Treat people with dignity and respect. Life is a gift. Each morning we should awaken with thankfulness that we can live and breath. But who or what are we thankful to? That's something we need to think about.
Just a thought.

Atonement

That was the title of the episode of ER last night. One of the story lines was about a man who had been a prison doctor. One of his duties was to administer lethal injections to the prisoners on death row. At the time, he felt he was doing a public service. The tide changed when a man he had "put to death" was found to be innocent months later. The guilt this doctor felt had consumed him. His life's quest became one of traveling to families of the men he "killed" to apologize and offer a way to "make up" or atone for what he had done.
He was in the ER because he had saved a boy from drowning in the icy waters. This boy was the son of a man he had executed. This doctor feared going to hell if this boy died. The doctor could not make up for the overwhelming guilt he felt. His works to God never seemed to be enough to atone for what he had done. The ER staff sent in the "chaplain" to talk with this doctor. This so-called chaplain is a beautiful New Age clergy who happens to be the new love interest of one of the main doctor characters. Her form of ministry is to make everyone feel good about everything. This doctor’s pleas for answers went unreturned by the chaplain. She continually offered punchy, feel-good statements. This doctor was in absolute spiritual agony and pleaded with her for answers. He needed to know whether he could ever obtain forgiveness from God for his sins. She gave him nothing and he told her that. He was so angry that he threw her out of the room and she fled in tears. I literally cheered at this point. I have been so sick of this New Age chaplain as a deceiver of the Lord!! ER made a strong point in my eyes.
Later, as she spoke with her love interest doctor, she made the statement that when people are in crisis, they want concrete answers; they want do's and don’ts. She admitted that she could not give this man what he needed.
Her form of "religion" is an empty deception that cons people into believing that they only need to feel good about everything to be in touch with their spiritual side.
Of course the show didn't bring in Jesus Christ, but it did reveal that New Age doesn't have the answers when it comes to the crunch in life.
This doctor could have had forgiveness through Christ. The burden of his guilt weighted him down like a mountain of rock. Christ is ready, willing and so very able to lift that mountain off the shoulders of the lost

Philippians Peace Promise

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I think the Philippians peace promise certainly holds alot more weight than some of the peace treaties that have been out there in the past quarter century. Paul speaks of this peace promise from a jail cell. So if he could have this peace, why can't we experience that same peace? I certainly did yesterday.
I spent yesterday at St. Mary's hospital's cardiac catheterization lab with my husband. He underwent a catheterization to investigate the possible origin of some chest pain and fatigue he has been experiencing. The procedure itself presents certain risks, such as heart attack or stroke. The results of the procedure could mean and uncertain future and further medical intervention.

I had many friends and church family praying yesterday and it was evident. I felt the peace that surpasses understanding. I was not fearful waiting for Mike to come out of the cath lab. I was not even fearful of the possible diagnosis that could result.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” Philippians 4:7-9

Now the challenge begins. We received the diagnosis and the intervention means major surgery. I still have peace but when I sit and dwell on the uncertain future, I feel the fear set in. I fear for my husband, my children and myself. Life is changing before my eyes and there may be nothing that can be done to prevent some events from happening. My complete trust MUST me in the Lord who has promised this peace.

He has also reminded me by giving this verse today:
"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

God is sovereign and He is in control. I take that control back with my moments of fear. I'm also thankful that He understands my human nature and the emotions that come with that nature. He will hold me and be my sustaining strength no matter what the future holds

Run the Race

The Lord reminded me through the words of a friend today that we are to” run the race!” I knew it was from the Lord because the Holy Spirit convicted me at that moment those words were spoken.

Hebrews 12:1,2
"Therefore since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame, and haws sat down at the right hand of God's throne."
I ran across a Bible study on this verse. This author uses the analogy of the weigh of sin being like a “suitcase”. Let me share some of the points made:

“The most common suitcase is “the sin that so easily hinders our progress.” This doesn’t mean that you can’t run the race if you commit sins (we’d all be out of the race!)—it means that you can’t stay in the race long if you are clutching on to and rationalizing things that you know God says are wrong and destructive. When you’re clutching on to and rationalizing sexual immorality or substance abuse/dependence, it will sap your motivation and stamina. When you clutch on to and rationalize bitterness and hatred, it will sap your motivation and stamina (Eph.4:32 context). When you’re clutching on to and rationalizing things like materialistic greed, it will sap your motivation and stamina (Mk.4:18,19).

By distinguishing “the sin that so easily hinders our progress” from “every weight that slows you down,” the author implies that even things that are not overtly morally wrong can be suitcases that we need to lay aside—because they simply don’t fit into the course/race God has set before us. Early in my Christian life, I devoted a lot of time to creative writing. But at a certain point, God showed me that he wanted me to use most of my (very limited) creative talent to develop Bible teachings. I couldn’t do both to the extent that I wanted to, so I decided to drop most of the writing. And I haven’t regretted that decision. I was talking to a young brother recently who has decided that he needs to radically down-size his living situation so he can have more time and energy to devote to spiritual growth and service. It wasn’t a black and white moral issue—but God showed him that it was a weight that was slowing him down. Other such suitcases include: VIDEO GAMES; INTERNET SURFING; SHOPPING; SPORTS HOBBIES; TV/CABLE. Paul says these things may be lawful, but when they are enslaving you it’s time to put them down (1Cor.6:12)."
http://www.xenos.org/teachings/nt/hebrews/gary/heb12-1.htm

I certainly can name a suitcase or two that I have been carrying around lately. Today I had been holding onto a suitcase of bitterness. I'm not sure what caused me to pick that case up again, but I'm glad the Lord has reminded me that I need to put it down again to run this race!!